Advice to New Moms

I find myself surrounded by quite a few first time expecting mothers and one of those is my sister and the other my best friend. I’ve been thinking what are some pieces of advice that I can share with them about their first time being a mom. I’m sure they’re both losing sleep hoping that I would bestow upon them my mother knowledge and I don’t want to leave them hanging any more, so here it is.

I’m by no means a mother expert. I’ve only been at it 8.5 years now, but it wasn’t until maybe about a year ago that I really finally discovered one of the most important parts of being a mother. This is exactly what I wish I would have been told before birth. It came to me seemingly out of nowhere as if it was a brilliant spark of understanding, but in reality it was always lurking around me. I just needed to take a moment and lift my head up from the clouds of exhaustion. Once you become a mother you will instantly be responsible for someone else’s life. This responsibility might consume you. The responsibility will probably frazzle you. This responsibility is probably something you have not ever experienced before. Here’s the catch though, you can’t let someone else’s needs and wishes completely consume yours. We are most often taught that motherhood is full of necessary sacrifices and sure that’s true, but there is a delicate balance you have to create. You will have to adjust and sacrifice in your new roll as “Mom”. However, you can sacrifice too much so that you don’t have the energy, love and attention to be the best mom. 

I didn’t realize this until a few years in and I even after that I didn’t figure out how to solve this issue. How do I take care of myself, my mental health, my physical health, my social needs, my individual needs, etc and still give everything to my children? The key to success here is, advocating for yourself. It’s one of the hardest things to do as a mother and also one of the most important things to do. It’s what I want to tell everyone about to become a mother and even those who are moms now, always advocate for yourself. 

What exactly does advocating for yourself mean? It can mean a variety of different things and can look a variety of different ways depending on the mother. For me personally I wasn’t good at expressing when I was overwhelmed. I had a hard time saying I needed a break. It took longer than I would have liked but I eventually realized that it was so important to express the need for a break. It might be your partner you need to share this with, a friend, neighbor or family member, but I promise it will help. People can’t help you unless they know you need help. 

No matter how hard it gets in the thick of motherhood, always remember that advocating for yourself is advocating for your baby as well.